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i want to go somewhere where not everyone knows my face, where i don't know everyone else's. i want to go to the grocery store and not see someone i went to high school with, to the bank and not see a friend of my mothers. all this recognition, these bare, simple connections, are boxing me in, trapping me, somehow, in the cage of my community.

it's not even really knowing. it's just acknowledgement, a nod, of "i've seen you yesterday, and the day before that, and i will see you tomorrow." that is all. and it feels lonlier than if i didn't know anybody. when you don't know anybody, there's always possibilities.

but here, recognizing the driver of every passing car, the waitress at the restautant, my old boss at the post office -- is a dead end.

i want the opposite of community. i want a fresh start, a growth, a seedling. not old photographs and skipping records. a seedling may die, it may never germinate, it might get eaten or wither in a drought; but it is alive. i want to know no one and to have no one pretend to know me.