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"...and i hate myself when i'm with you. a constant rollercoaster of ups and downs, except lately, we've just been going down. sinking and sinking into the ground through fire and sewer shit, and hey, you really don't care do you? you really don't care how i feel. and i hate myself when i'm with you. always a constant struggle with right and wrong. i'm wrong, i'm always wrong when i'm with you. so ugly, not even worthy of shit. this is what you do to me, this is what i deserve. I'm sinking and floating and sinking into your arms, only to be dropped down to the floor. you hold me by my chains, push my buttons, and i deserve it. i hate myself when i'm with you. i am your slave, you fucking peice of shit. and i hate myself when i'm with you..."

..........is what i screamed in my pillow last night. I picked up the phone and dialed what i thought was your number. instead, i noticed i had dialed a row of zeros. blankness.

and i hate myself when i'm with you.