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my friend damian just died this past thursday in a car crash. he was the first boy i kissed. supossedly he was run over by a truck.

Death, be not proud, though some have call�d thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which yet thy pictures be,
Much pleasure, then from thee much more, must low
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings and desperate men
And dost with poison, war and sickness dwell,
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then ?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

at times like these, life seems like a game; a silly game with wrong turns, collect 200s, and prize money. we all seem like pawns on free will yet somehow controlled like puppets by the universe, the cosmos. invisibility. if you go through life speaking to no one, to nothing but an inanimate object, does this mean you never really existed? how can one prove your existence without proof? invisibility. i used to think i could see auras. i used to think i could associate my friends' auras with colors like mustard yellow, lime green, royal blue. i used to try to combine the two auras of friends holding hands, watching their red and white auras form a shade of pink. i used to think that the new color was the color of their love. invisibility. i walk through the alleys of a city, fire escapes up ahead, dripping air conditioning onto my clothes. it's dusk out and dogs are beginning to bark at tiny objects strolling past the windows. the dogs, they bark at me. i see raccoons and alley cats rattling in the stench-filled trash cans holding yesterday's left over chinese food. here i wak through these alleys, swiftly smoking a cigarette and humming the tune to Fur Elise through my purple lips. i am invisible. i am invisible.

my friend damian just died this past thursday in a car crash. he was the first boy i kissed. supossedly he was run over by a truck. the last we spoke, snow was on the ground and i was excited about snow boarding. he sat me down in the cafeteria, telling me he wasn't feeling well emotionally. he told me he felt like the world was melting away from him, slowly turning invisible and out of his reach. damian told me that i looked beautiful and that one day, he wanted a wife like me. he was never afraid of death, always joking about dying, about dissapearing one day, about melting away from the earth. he held my hands with his stubby fingers and gave me a tarot card.

i looked for that tarot card all morning and finally found it stuffed away in some shoebox. i look at it for a second, rubbed my eyes, and read it again. it was the death card.