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one night we were sewing costumes, and she told me that she couldn't do school work anymore because she just started to cry when she looked down at her books. and i said that i did the same. and it's really awful but: i think we are a lot closer now because school is making up both miserable. after that we took off our shoes and turned up the music. we felt better for a while but i felt uneasy hearing "taking my time. doing just fine. living every day."

because i know that i'm not.

the monday night i went to david's house was wonderful. and it wasn't really him; it was just being some place where i didn't want to leave. where i wasn't fighting against my work. where i wasn't adding numbers in my head. where i wasn't feeling worse than anyone. i went home and i read letter from a birmingham jail and for the first time all year i loved what i was reading.

and i know there were other things i was supposed to do. but i felt better there. and that's more important. procrastination sounds like it is just a way to waste time. but it's not. it's my only chance to do what i want.