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i feel weak because i need to stand near you. because i'm not as enthralled as mary, away from us, who has pushed up to see better.

but i watched her smoke most of a pack of cigarettes in a few hours.

and i can see her later that night intoxicated. i can see her finishing the pack. i can see her do a million things that would keep her talking about camus and simone de beauvoir. yes, they did trivialize her! she was

everything without sartre! the fairytale friendship was unnecessary!

oh mary, don't trivialize yourself...you don't need your cigarettes. you just need to be.

but here i am. waiting. working. sitting. procrastinating. i'm no better than her, not better than anyone. but i could be. i mean, we all could be. better. by ourselves. don't listen to me. just listen to yourself.