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in hallways outside movie theaters when i realize that i still like him andyou let me feel like i was better than you so i leave. in dances when boyswho grabbed under your shirt are looking elsewhere. in hot tubs at the end of a dull summer when her eyes look at you but you can't see it through the steam (and him). in dark hallways in the back of theaters when you see them slightly kiss. in his bed room when you break free and cry and he realizes that 'you just can't do this anymore'. in your school's neighborhood when he walks by you on the street with the blankest look (what a fucking liar! you can't deny i exist). in someone else's bedroom when you tremble and cry naked infront of you and they pretend it's ok (it's ok that you love them, i mean what the fuck can you do anyway?). in your friend's basement when you admitthe truth and he stamps around the room screaming that it's his fault and you're so dazed you don't even know what happens. in metro stations when you call from a pay phone and he says 'we just can't do this anymore'.

i regret it all (the actions and pain) because none of it seems true. you never ever want to thoroughly destroy anything--and that's the problem with everything.